


Secret love song

by Asylum_fries



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Getting Back Together, Highschool AU, M/M, Secret Relationship, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 21:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7523425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asylum_fries/pseuds/Asylum_fries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Connor never told his dad he was gay? What if nobody knew about there relationship except Taylor? Jude gets sick of hiding and ends it, but how will Connor get him back? </p><p> </p><p>This was not my best summary.<br/>Based of secret love song by little mix.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret love song

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fic yay. I based it off secret love song by little mix, so I advise listening to it before, during, or after reading it. A lot of the lyrics are in the fic.

"So, do you think we could go to prom this time?" Jude asked not hopefully, but still needing to get a no.

"Jude, Babe, you know we can't." 

"Why not huh, why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?"

"You know why, the MLB doesn't look highly on gay players and my dad would disown me I'd never be able to see you again believe me, I wish that we could be like that."

"Why can't we be like that?" Jude was slowly getting angry he's kept the relationship with Connor a secret for 3 years they're 17 now they just started junior year and Connor still can't come out. What about Jude did Connor not care how Jude felt sneaking around, how Jude felt lying to his moms and siblings about where he had truly been, how Jude felt about having his first time in a car, how Jude felt about constantly hiding hickeys, how Jude felt about hearing Connor say no homo too his so called friends. 

"When are you going to come out Connor are you ever going to come out, just to your dad at least, when is he gonna know, on your wedding day? Huh?" Jude snapped. "Connor, you do know that if it's not me it'll be some other boy, because guess what you like guys not girls, you think I actually believe you have a picture of Zac Efron in your locker cause you liked the movie neighbors, one day you're going to have to come out."  
"I'm just pissed off Connor I'm so tired of sneaking around," " I just can't do this anymore." 

Jude was angry, but tears were streaming down his face. Connor just sat there hurt and confused. 

"J-Jude but I'm yours, I love you, I just can't tell anyone I'm gay."

"We keep behind closed doors, but it'll never be enough." Jude sniffed. "I just don't know if you care about how I feel you never seem to be ready." 

"Jude, I do care, I tried to come out to my mom, but I couldn't, Jude please don't leave me I'm so sorry, I'm a terrible boyfriend, I just I need you." Connor cried through the entire thing. The boys heard the sound of the garage door opening. 

"Shit, it's my dad." That was it for Jude. 

Jude grabbed his stuff. "Bye Connor, I've tried to just see it from your view, but I can tell you're not going to be ready too come out soon, you can call me when you are."

Jude left the room and ran down the stairs. Connor ran after him, but stopped on the top of the stairs, his dad had entered the house. Jude just ran past Mr. Stevens. Jude's face was red with anger. 

"What the hell was that, what just happened?" Adam asked confusion clearly written on his face. 

"Nothing!" Connor yelled, tears still falling from his red face. He ran back to his room and slammed the door. Adam Stevens just stood there dumb founded what was going on, he hasn't seen that Jude kid for at least 3 years, what happened that made Connor so upset. The only other time Connor had slammed the door was when his mom left.

Adam decided to make dinner and then try to talk to him. Coaxing Connor to talk with food seemed like a good plan, but Connor was too heart broken to eat. 

Adam knocked on the door. "Connor, you okay? I made spaghetti we can eat it and talk." Adam opened the door. Connor had his head buried in his pillow with his earbuds in. Adam sat at the edge of the bed and took the earbuds out.

"Leave me alone!" Connor said muffled by the pillow. The earbuds were playing sad songs at full blast. 

"Connor, at least tell me what happened."

"You don't deserve to know and you couldn't possibly understand, so just leave." Connor yelled. The bad parent in Adam poked out.

"Fine be that way, just know you don't get the car if you're gonna be like that, I'm taking the keys." Connor groaned and buried his head further in the pillow grabbing his earbuds again. At least he wouldn't have to go to school the next day.

Jude being the breakup-er should have made it easier on him, but he was doing just as bad as Connor. He had Taylor though. Jude got home, closed his door, and called her. 

"T-T-Taylor." Jude let out a sob. He was in all ways an ugly crier. 

"Oh my god, Jude, what's wrong?"

"C-C-Connor." he couldn't finish he choked on a sob again.

"No, tell me he didn't break up with you." Jude composed himself for a few seconds.

" No, I broke up with him, I just couldn't deal with the the the stress of s-sneaking around when he was n-n-never going to come out." Jude started sobbing again. 

"I'm coming over..." Taylor said grabbing her keys. 

"No, don't..." Jude choked out another sob. "I'm f-fine."

"I'm bringing Ice cream." Taylor said grabbing 4 pints and a bag of ice to put them in.

When she arrived Jude opened the door looking terrible. His eyes were red and puffy. 

"Come on let's eat this ice cream and watch a movie, you don't need Connor." Jude tried to smile a little Taylor was such a good friend. They sat on the couch watching a movie, each with a pint of ice cream. Jude rested his head on Taylor's shoulder.

Stef came in very confused. Her son was gay, right. So, why was it that he was cuddling with Taylor on the couch. She just shook her head and left. Teenagers were too complicated for her.

The movie ended, they had finished the ice cream, and Jude was actually feeling better.

"We don't have school tomorrow we should go out and have fun, let's go take shots."

"Oh yeah, let's go to a bar and take shots to get your mind off things that couldn't possibly end badly." Taylor said sarcastically "Seriously, Jude that's a bad idea." 

Somehow they were at a bar. "How did Jude convince me. I don't remember agreeing to this." Taylor thought. In some magical way Jude got his wish and was now entering a bar with Taylor right behind him. 

Jude took 2 shots then handed Taylor his phone. He was smart enough to know that the last thing he wanted to do was drunk dial his ex. 

A guy came over to sit next to Jude.

"Can I buy you a drink?" the stranger asked.

"Wow classic move, sure that'd be nice." the stranger laughed.

"I'm Jared, and you are?" Jared asked while signaling the bar tender.

"I'm Jude." Jude knew Jared was trying to flirt with him, but why shouldn't he, Jude was single. Maybe this was good for him.

Jude and Jared talked for hours taking shots and ordering drinks. Jude had gotten drunk. Not terribly can't stand or see clearly drunk. But drunk enough to think taking his phone back from Taylor and leaving with Jared was a good idea. Taylor was reluctant to give him the phone, but did anyway.

"T, Taylor, girl, my girl tay, I'm leaving, give me my phone back." Yep, Jude was definitely bad decision drunk.

"I don't know you don't seem like you should be calling anyone."

"Yeah no duh, Taylor, but I'm leaving and if I don't have my phone, I can't contact you, I promise I'll only use it to call you or like an über, would I lie to you I'm your GBF." Jude calling himself Taylor's GBF was a huge sign that Jude was drunk he hated that name and she hadn't called him it since 7th grade. But she gave him the phone anyway.

 

Jared and Jude were sloppily making out and walking trying to get to Jared's apartment. Apparently Jared's parents were super rich and gave him one when he got accepted to a prestigious highschool in California. They only stopped kissing to get the door open. The second the door was open Jude was slammed against a wall they were kissing sloppily again. 

Jude pushed Jared back and grabbed his hand.

"Lead me too the bedroom." Jude said. 

Connor couldn't believe his ears. Of course getting slammed into a wall when your phone is in your back pocket can probably have a few buttons get pushed. Those specific buttons butt dialed Connor.

Connor kept listening till he heard Jude say "Do you have a condom, great, let's do this." Connor didn't want to hear anymore. How could Jude do this to him hook up with some other guy right after breaking up with him.

Connor thought of going to Jude's house, but then decided with his moms there he probably wasn't there. Connor thought maybe he could find Jude, but realized he didn't know how, and if he did he would just walk in on whatever-his-name-is fucking his boyfriend. Connor thought about calling Taylor, but she was Jude's friend she wouldn't want to talk to him. So, Connor just sat there and waited. Tomorrow he'd try to get Jude back.

"Wow, that was amazing." Jude said. But even though he said it was and it was he felt bad. It was amazing, but it didn't feel right.

"You were great." Jared said smiling. "Can I get your number, you don't have to stay if you don't want to, but I just want to keep in touch." Jude gave Jared his number.

"No, I want to stay, I'll just call an über in the morning." Jude knew his moms would be pissed when he came home the next day, but they'd be even more angry if he came home drunk. Plus It'd be easier to lie that he stayed at Taylor's then to try to call them and sound sober. 

\-----

"Bye, I'll call you." Jude said to Jared while entering the über.

"Bye, Jude."

Jude entered the house and was immediately yelled at by Lena.

"Where the hell were you?!"

"Um, I was just at uh Taylor's I fell asleep there." 

"Oh my god are you and Taylor a thing did you-"

"No, no, no, no, no, I'm gay, I just slept over no big deal."

"Stef saw you cuddling on the couch with her if you're lying to me young man." 

"We're just friends, I promise I'm gay I was just at her house, I'm sorry I didn't call to tell you."

"Ok." Lena believed him Jude didn't do bad things usually even if he was lying she'd let it slide this time.

Jude went upstairs. But right as he closed the room door there was a knock. Lena opened the door.

"Connor!" she opened her eyes wide. She didn't really know what happened with them. She assumed his dad kept him away since Jude was gay and they stopped being friends. She hadn't seen him for 3 years. "What are you doing here."

"Can I uh talk to Jude?" he looked as if he'd been crying for hours.

"Sure." Lena said uneasy he's in his room just go on up.

Connor walked up the stairs fearing what would happen. He had no plan.

"Connor, please just go."

"No, I'm not leaving... Not yet at least." Connor took a deep breath. "So who is he."

"Who is who?" 

"You butt dialed me, and it seemed as if you were gonna have sex with some dude." 

Jude inhaled.  
"Be quiet, what if my mom heard, can we do this outside?" Connor scoffed, but agreed they started walking and had walked pretty far away before Jude stopped and said anything. 

" Ok, so what if I did? "

"What do you mean so what if you did?" Connor knew what Jude meant. "When you were with him, did you call his name like you do when you're with me?" Connor was slowly getting more and more frustrated "Does it feel the same?" Connor yelled feeling hurt that Jude would actually do this. Jude was getting angry again. 

"Why do you care if Jared fucked me you're not gay, were not dating, as far as most people know we aren't even friends." Jude yelled. 

" I can't believe you, this never would of happened if I just came out and ruined my life." Connor yelled. Making sure there was emphasis on ruined. He continued.  
" You act like your the victim like you have to hear that's so gay, and wow look at that homo every day like what you are is something wrong, you have two moms for Christ sake, if I came out would you have left, would you leave if I was ready to settle down and what start a family."

"I sneak around with you, but the truth is Connor everytime I see you I die a little more, It's not that hard to come out Connor, if you could just grow a pair and do it." 

"Yeah ok and I'm the one who doesn't care you couldn't see what I was going through." Connor stormed away. That went way worse then expected. He walked back home. Holding in tears. He loved Jude, Why couldn't he just tell his dad 3 words all he had to say was I am gay. Connor just couldn't do it. He ran past his dad and into his room slamming the door again. He needed Jude back he would come out to somebody. Just not his dad. 

Adam wondered what or who could push his son's buttons so much. Adam knew there was no use in talking to Connor. Connor wouldn't tell him anything.

Sunday went by fast for both boys. Jude had moped around the house occasionally crying. What had he done he loved Connor. Jude thought maybe I should just call him. Jude realized no he couldn't do that Connor wasn't willing to come out to even his dad. He thought about texting Taylor, but decided against it he didn't feel like pretending it didn't happen. Then, Jude thought maybe I should text Jared. He didn't know why texting a guy he used as a rebound would be a good idea, but Jared was gay maybe he could help.

Jude: hey :-)  
Jared: hi hot stuff  
Jude: so i wasn't rlly honest with u the night @ the bar i had just broken up with my secret bf  
Jared: that's a new one  
Jude: here's the prob he was secret cuz he wasn't ready to come out  
Jared: sorry that's tough  
Jude: yeah :-\  
Jared: some people just aren't ready u should respect that I'm not saying u should take him back but don't make him feel bad  
Jude: too late  
Jude texted Jared all day. They had become friends. Texting Jared really got him to stop thinking about Connor.

Connor on the other hand also did a lot of crying. Then, decided Jude wasn't going to come over and apologize and Jude was right Connor didn't really care or ever ask Jude how he felt about sneaking around. Connor realized the only way to get Jude back was to come out and he loved Jude it didn't matter what his dad or anyone thought. Connor texted his mom.

Connor: I'm gay  
Mom: that's great honey does your father know  
Connor: that went better then expected  
Mom: i love u idc

Seeing that if his dad did disown him he still had his mom made Connor feel stronger. But Connor still needed confidence for what he was going to do at school. Connor grabbed his keys, he was going to the batting cages.

"Connor, what do you think you're doing?" Adam yelled.

"I'm going to the batting cages."

"If you want the keys you have to tell me what's going on." Connor thought for a moment.

"I'm sad." Connor tried.

"Why? Did something happen with a girl because you know girls aren't that great it's not the end of the world." Connor laughed. His dad had no idea. 

"Can I just get the keys."

"Nope, you have to tell me what happened." Connor sat down next to his dad. He pulled out his phone and clicked on Tim. Tim was from baseball, but he was a good friend.

"Hey Tim can you pick me up and take me to the batting cages."

"Sure, dude, no problem." Connor smirked. His dad couldn't get him to talk. 

The batting cages boosted his confidence and when in the car he told everything too Tim. Every single detail about him and Jude. From how they snuck around to why they broke up. Connor didn't even look to see if Tim was utterly disgusted. Connor didn't even care if Tim didn't support him. He just needed to tell someone. When he was finished he let out a breath.

"I can't believe you told Taylor and not me." was the first thing Tim said when he had the chance to talk. Tim was cool with everything else. Connor had another person on his side.

"Con, you're so stupid why didn't you just tell the team, they wouldn't kick you off or do anything." 

"With all the no homos, that's what she saids, homo alerts, and that's so gays, I kinda assumed no one would understand."

"Oh Crap Connor, we're so stupid that probably hurt. Yah I guess you have a point, but I'll always stand up for you." Connor smiled.

The batting cages did give Connor confidence. He was ready for Monday.

\-----

Jude got to school early, as usual since he had to get there with Lena. Connor usually came early too so they could sneak into a bathroom and make out, but that obviously wasn't going to happen that day.

 

It was 3rd period. Connor knew that Jude had a free period and would take his time in the hall. It was time. Connor walked up to Jude.

"Leave me alone, I'm done with you." Jude said. Connor grabbed his hands. Jude stopped moving. I have something really important to say. Anchor beach had 10 minute passing periods, so he had time. 

"Jude, I've been a mess, please just take me back, I love you, I'll shout it from the rooftops, just take me back." Jude scoffs.

"Prove it." Jude looks away trying to leave. Connor tilts his chin and kisses him. Jude pulls back. "Connor, you just kissed me in the middle of the hall."

"yeah I did, Jude, every piece of you it just fits perfectly." Connor added " I love you, I don't care what my dad thinks, even though I probably wont be able to see you for a while." 

"Connor you need baseball what about your team and scouts not wanting a gay player?" 

" I don't care what the MLB thinks, I care about you I'd do anything for you."

Jude wraps his arms around Connor's neck and kisses him. Connor smiles into the kiss. 

"I'm sorry, Connor, I should have thought about what you were going through, and it was really stupid to hook up with Jared." Connor gave Jude a peck on the cheek. 

"I have to get to class." Connor says smiling, not paying attention to the tons of shocked students and one smiling Taylor next to one smiling Tim.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. I might write a second chapter about the different people they have to come out too like Connor's dad, baseball team, and Jude's family. It depends on what you guys want though. Feel free to comment, kudos, suggestions (please), criticism. Thx.


End file.
